I WANT CUTTING!!!!
I WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTING!!!!!!
I.
WANT.
TO.
CUT.
Cutting is good!
But no cutting for me.
Fuck.
Rolled ciggarettes suck.
And not in a good way.
And I want cutting and I'm not allowed and
ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Life sucks.
I'm lonely.
I've never met a gay person other me, annnnnnd
I WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTINGI WANT CUTTING!

And reading that through I sound insane, but maybe I am.

Cutting time nao?

YOUR GUY SIDE:
[ ] You love hoodies.
[x] You love jeans.
[ ] Dogs are better than cats.
[ ] It's hilarious when people get hurt
[x] You've played with/against boys on a team.
[ ] Shopping is torture.
[x] Sad movies suck.
[x] You own/had an X-Box or Wii.
[x] Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
[ ] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[x] You own/had a DS, PS2 or Sega.
[ ] You used to watch Power Rangers
[ ] You watch sports on TV.
[x] Gory movies are cool.
[ ] You go to your dad for advice.
[ ] You own like a trillion baseball caps.
[ ] You like going to high school football games.
[ ] You used to/do collect baseball cards.
[ ] Baggy pants are cool to wear.
[ ] It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
[ ] You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
[ ] Sports are fun
[x] Talk with food in your mouth.
[ ] Sleep with your socks on at night
TOTAL:9

YOUR GIRL SIDE:
[] You wear lip gloss
[x] You love to shop.
[x] You wear the color pink
[ ] Go to your mom for advice.
[ ] Cheerleading is a sport.
[ ] You hate wearing the color black.
[X] You like hanging out at the mall.
[ ] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
[x] You like wearing jewelry.
[ ] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
[x] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
[ ] You don't like the movie Star Wars.
[ ] Used to/are in gymnastics/dance/cheer
[ ] It takes you around more than one hour to shower, and get dressed
[ ] You smile a lot more than you should
[ ] You have/had more than 30 pairs of shoes
[x] You care about what you look like.
[x] Most of the time you wear body spray/perfume/cologne.
[x] You love going to the movies.
[ ] Used to play with dolls as little kid.
[x] Liked putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
[ ] Like being the star of every thing.
10

Basics:

Name:
Patrick

Date of Birth:
July, 18, 1991

Birthplace:
Scarbourough, England

Current Location:
My bedroom

Eye Color:
Blue-green,yellow-green,green,gray (It changes, I'm a MUTANT)

Hair Color:
Dark Brown

Height:
6'2"

Heritage:
Mixed- English,Scottish, Irish,South African

Piercings:
Two in right ear.

Tattoos:
None, sadly....

Favorite:

Band/Singer:
Disturbed,Slipknot,Hammerfall,Kamelot

Song:
LOTS. III Ways to Epica is at the top though.
Movie:
Beowulf, Kung Fu Panda

Disney Movie:
not sure....

TV show:
Family Guy, Rick & Steve The Happiest Gay Couple in the World

Color:
Pink/Purple

Food:
Not sure...

Pizza topping:
Pepperoni

Ice-Cream Flavor:
Coffee

Drink (alcoholic):
Double Black Vodka Cruiser

Soda:
Coke, V, Demon

Store:
Games Workshop

Clothing Brand:
Gaming merchandise clothes?

Shoe Brand:
Military made boots! (It counts as a brand! It does!)

Season:
Autumn

Month:
Orctober

Holiday/Festival:
Queermas (The best way of saying christmas, EVER)

Flower:
Roses. The pinky purple kind

Make-Up Item:
Nail Polish. (Not sure if that counts)

Board game:
Risk!

This or That

Sunny or rainy:
RAiny, but not TOO rainy.

Chocolate or vanilla:
Chocolate

Fruit or veggie:
Veggies.

Night or day:
Night

Sour or sweet:
Sour. Although not sourpuss people.

Love or money:
Love. Money makes bad people

Phone or in person:
In person

Looks or personality:
15/85

Coffee or tea:
Coffee

Hot or cold:
Cold

Your:

Goal for this year:
Get a boyfriend

Most missed memory:
Don't have one

Best physical feature:
Ass... I think.

First thought waking up:
"Mmm.... penis"

Hypothetical personality disorder:
Not sure

Preferred type of plastic surgery:
I HATE PLASTIC SURGERY!

Sesame street alter ego:
The Cookie Monster!

Fairytale alter ego:
I have no idea...

Most stupid remark:
Uhm... I say lots of stupid things.

Worst crime:
Exploding an egg in the school with a little bomb, I guess.

Greatest ambition:
Work for Citadel miniatures, or Valve

Greatest fear:
That I'll die alone

Darkest secret:
Being a SUPER masochist. Seriously. I like pain WAY too much. I mean, the thought of being sliced up with a scalpel turns me on!

Favorite subject:
3D animation!

Strangest received gift:
A scaperfoil dragon. (You use a scraper tool to scratch out an image of a dragon in silver. I HATE the things, I don't have the patience or dexterity for them.)

Worst habit:
Smoking too much

Do You:

Smoke:
Yes

Drink:
Sometimes.

Curse:
All the fuckin' time.

Shower daily:
Most of the time, sometimes I just don't see the point, or I get too sleepy.

Like thunderstorms:
NOOOO! I like the lightning, but the thunder frightens me.

Dance in the rain:
No. I sit inside and watch it.

Sing:
Yeah.

Play an instrument:
No.

Get along with your parents:
Lately, yes.

Wish on stars:
No

Believe in fate:
Yes

Believe in love at first sight:
Yes

Can You:

Drive:
No

Sew:
Yes

Cook:
Yea, a little

Speak another language:
No, a scattering of Russian though. Hello, how are you, that sorta thing.

Dance:
Yes, only good at sluttily dancing though.

Sing:
Yes

Touch your nose with your tongue:
Yes

Whistle:
Yes

Curl your tongue:
Yes

Have You Ever:

Been Drunk:
Yes, only once, and never again.

Been Stoned/High:
No. Never will either.

Eaten Sushi:
YES! Mmmmm....

Been in Love:
Yes

Skipped school:
Yes

Made prank calls:
Yes

Sent someone a love letter:
Sorta

Stolen something:
Only things like ciggarettes from my parents.

Cried yourself to sleep:
Yes

Other Questions:

What annoys you most in a person?
Ignorance, hypocrites, homophobia(obviously),intolerance in any way.

Are you right or left handed?
Right

What is your bedtime?
Bed...time? When I'm sleepy?

Name three things you can't live without:
Francis,Lifeway,Cuddles.

What is the color of your room?
Flowery wallpaper

Do you have any siblings?
Blood: A brother and sister
Not blood: Infinite people, our extended family is HUGGGGGE!

Do you have any pets?
2 dogs and 2 cats and 4 birds and a fish.

Would you kill someone you hate for a million dollars?
I'd probably do it for free.

What are you nicknames?
Pat, Paddy.

Are you for or against gay marriage?
FOR. FOR FOR FOR!

Do you have a crush on anyone?
Yes

Are you afraid of the dark?
Yes, very. I can't see even in slight gloom.

How do you want to die?
Quickly.

What is the largest amount of popsicles that you have eaten on one day?
2

Would you take a bullet for the one you love?
Yes.

What is the last law you’ve broken?
Uhm.... I have no idea

In a Male/Female:

Hair color:
Deep red like blood, black, or sandy blonde.

Eye color:
Don't really mind.

Height:
Slightly taller than me, but that's rare apparently.

Weight:
Normal, or slightly overweight if it's muscle mass.

Most important physical feature:
Expressive eyes.

Biggest turn-off:
Arrogance, or being against public affection.

Whew, that killed some time.
Queermas was the best day EVER. I got a whole heap of awesome presents! I only wanted ONE which was Left4Dead, and I got it and a million others! Oh they were great! And I had Francis with me, it was GREAT! Wooh! And second queermas is tomorrow. (My dad Francis and I are goin' to go shopping and because it's all super cheap we can get whatever we want.)
I hope all you guys and girls had a great one too. And I love you all.

I'm back, remember my last journal? Well my parents took my outness super well, I can bring boys home, I can do whatever, they don't care! 'cause they still love meeee. YAYYYYYYY!

Wonder how the last remainin' family members'll take it?

Oh well.

I love you oasis. *LASERLOVIN'*

but I'm coming out to my parents!
Yay?
I'm leaving them a coming out letter just before A and I go to Auckland. So they have time to get over it, or at least START.

Hugs to Oasis. Wish me luck?

God-willing, they'll still love me.

Hey Oasis.
A and I are both quitting smoking. Yay. I think. Of course on the very day we decide to quit my parents buy 75 ciggarettes and leave lyin''round the place.
Otherwise, I am happy.
I've started enquiring with Lifeway as to their views on LGBTQ in general, hopefully, I get a positive respoinse and aid in setting up a GSA group at Lifeway.
Thats it. This is probably my last entry before A and I go away for a week.
I luff joo all.

Guess what oasis!

I've been accepted at Lifeway! I'm officially going to the 3D animation course!!!! YAY!!!!!

Everythings good right now, my sister's getting married, my brother is joining the signals corp of the army, I'm accepted, A and I are going to auckland this weekend and we'll get to go to an LGBT meeting into the bargain, and possibly buy sex toys!

WOOH! I'm happy!! *prances about gayly*

Hey Oasis, it's been a while.

I had a panic attack a little while ago, I feel weak... moving on.

My sister is getting married! Yay! Even if her fiance is a bit of a homphobe..... but I get to be the ringbearer! You must destroy the ring Mr. Frodo! LOLCATS/ROFLCOPTER.

I got Beowulf on DVD today for $10! ZOMG yay best movie ever, even if the picture on the cover makes me get all hot. Just gotta keep maximum penis supression on while looking at it.

I asked JD today if he was straight and he said yes, which makes me sad. Lousy fucktarded gaydar of mine.

That's more or less it. I love you oasis, hug me. HUUUUG ME. I'll give you pie?

First up, OW GOD MY BACK OH CRAP IT HURTS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!
ok.
So it's the summer holiday now and I get 2 months off before I start studying 40 hours a week, yay, can't wait. (NOT sarcasm!)

A and I went to my friend H's house last night to play Shadowrun. J and JD were there to, I find JD rather sexy indeed and the gaydar indicates he is NOTs traight, so does A's, he's at least bi, we're sure. Also to back this up, I flirted with him and he even flirted back! Holy crap *pants dive* I really want him but I'm not sure what to do, should I just flirt and leave it, or I should I straight out ask if he's interested? I'm so bad with these things.
God I want him....

I love you Oasis! *kiss/huggle*

Yay it's my last exam today and then I'm done with high school FOREVER! No more "That's gay, your gay, fag this fag that!" YAYYYYY!!!!!!!!
Hell maybe I'll even meet a nice guy at Lifeway next year. I'm nervous about the exam though, my whole year more or less hinges on it. Even though last night dad told me that it doesn't really matter whether I pass level 2 or not, which was a major relief. Not as major as "I know you're gay son, and that's ok." but that's just wishful thinking.
Hopefully during the summer my best friend and roomate A and I will be going down to Auckland for two weeks, which would mean we could go to an LGBT meeting!!!! That would be so great, even though I'd have tog o without Oasis that whole time X_X. Also on sunday, I get to burn my school uniform. Doesn't that sound fun? All I need now is a boyfriend to call my own and all would be well in the world.
So lonely.... lousy living in the utah of New Zealand.....

I came out to my sister! She was totally fine with it, if a little shocked. Best possible result. I feel so much better now.

Thanks Oasis. You guys are so much help.

*hugs and kisses for all the Oasis peoples*

Should I come out to my sister? I love her lots, and there's much less distance between us like with the rest of my family, but I can feel it growing, and I don't like it. Also I think she could help me if I ever decide to come out to Mum and Da. (not that I ever will unless my sister is absolutely sure they' won't eat me alive.) She's the only sibling who really understands me and she's always nice to me and tells me its gonna be okay when Mum is really mean to me.

Help me decide Oasis, I'm counting on you!

Today I feel:
Unattractive
Tired
like a failure
hot
and lonely.

I should be studying for maths but I can't bring myself to do it. I feel like it's too pointless to bother, I'll probably fail maths no matter how much I study.....

I dropped the soap in the shower today, and it landed in the perfect position for me to be sexed when I bent down to get it. The chaos gods like to laugh at me apparently. How can I be down and ridiculously horny at the same time anyway?
Oh well.
I helped make Oriental Tofu and Noodles today, it was yummy.
I wish I had some male friends who aren't complete dicks all the time other than J, because whenever I'm with him I get all *blush,blush*
I'm so lonely.
I'd have gone insane if not for Oasis, especially right now. Hugs for all the nice Oasis peoples! *hugs*

Hey Oasis.

Had my Media exam today. I wrote 1419 words in two hours. I don't know how impressive that is, but here's a rundown.

402 words: The Gun-Slingin' Western Hero (Western genre study)
411: Portrayal of violence in western films (Western genre development)
606: representation of Young Women.
Hells yeah! I think my Representaion essay got into a bit of a rant at the end, but I get all worked up about it, I can't help it.

Maths exam on monday and if I don't study my left butt cheek off I'm gonna fail. Oh boy! And then chemistry, and then I can burn my uniform and I'll be done forever! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XDDDDDD

I dreamed about a random african-american guy named Malcolm. He was pretty.... *drool,drool*

Where are you Malcolm? *sniffle*

I love you all!!!