Gravity
falling forever
only to have you
curve away.
trying to fly
but you pull me back
orbit in your atmosphere
burning
slow spiral inward
i'm gone
before i reach
your ground

i have a hole in me that nobody knows
it's a gaping, bloody wound
i've been ripped apart from the inside out
and nobody knows

open, open, i've always been open
letting her in to see my soul
and what do i get?
naught but a broken heart and my hole

tears poor out of me like rain
sprinkling down but doing naught
to relieve this awful weight on my heart

i love you, i love you

Some people use the word primitive
but that reminds me of a song
by a band my dad likes
and I do not.
This is unfortunate because primitive would be a good word
for what I feel when I stand in the cold
and try to take in the blackness out there
which is impossible really, because
there are stars
and I never did get the Tao Te Ching anyway

when you do that thing that makes your eyes look different, well, it's a shame, i liked them before..when it was real and it wasn't just what was there.
they showed everything, but now you can't control them
and these new moods have you all weird.
running around town. with this strange new crowd.

I Dreamt of You

i dreamt of you every night
for two and a half months
of walking with you and
playing cards with you and
talking with you and
sometimes you were simply in my dreams and
then i'd wake and
you weren't there and
i'd cry

but the worst? the absolute worst were
the dreams of you when
you would hold my hand or
my face and
tell me that it was all a mistake

Alley Cat

sometimes it still happens, even now.
usually it’s somewhere around midnight,
when only alley cats, groping for a spot of milk,
stalk the silence of asphalt beneath the stars,
and the padding of their sliced-up paws
is a whisper outside my bedroom window.
when my heavy yet sleepless eyes
see them weaving among the parade of
neighborhood garbage cans,

The picture of the two of them so young
in a place they’ve since forgotten
still makes sense even though there is something missing from his blood
and we have to clean our hands every time we touch the spoons.
When a story in the paper is contained in a living room
with cats under the table and cherries in a blue bowl,
it’s easy to smile about other things
and wear bright sweaters

so this is it, this is what it'll be
we'll be friends, and you'll come to me
when you need to be grounded

but baby i dream about you at night
your kisses of sweet tabasco
lips and lines of molten fire
burning in my veins

and this is where it ends, this is it all
we'll be friends, and i'll ache inside
everytime you mention HIM

but baby i dream about you at night

Apearently when things get rough
you like to turn your back and run
You've left me here all alone
To fend for myself without you

Do you just leave when it's too tough
Run away from all of your problems
Do you just leave when it's too tough
Leave everyone who cares behind

Apearently we didn't matter enough
At least not enough to keep you here

Watching through the glass what she cannot have
Afraid she ruins everything she touches
She just craves someones love and trust with no demand

She prays for love at first bite
Hoping for someone to save her soul
Wishing that this could be the one
She prays for love at first bite

She's looking through the distance at what she cannot touch
Hoping she is not the monster she feels she is

White lines, dangerous curves, and all that toys with your nerves
Snapping cameras, strobe lights everything flashing in your mind

It's just another game that she plays
Just another tool used to manipulate
Just a stragety to keep you on your toes

All the things that she does
Are to keep you wrapped around her finger (x2)

Sleekly elegant and so smooth are used to, to blackmail you

After dinner with my mother’s rice and chicken sitting uncomfortably in my stomach like a rock I excuse myself and head outside.

The mid-November air stings what is exposed on my body, in this case my hands and face as I shut the backdoor. I am alone.

An ancient and imperial institution falls
But from there we begin anew

Like to the lark at break of day arising
The voice of one cries out in the wilderness
And a phoenix arises from the ashes
Be embraced, you millions!
Lift up your faces, you have a piercing need!
Unscrew the doors themselves from their jambs!
Put your queer shoulders to the wheel!

As I look outside through my living room window I see a pot full of bright yellow chrysanthemums vivid against the icy chill of the dead November afternoon
The leaves have fallen from their trees, leaving stark naked fingers of bark encrusted wood prying out through the early winter air

I too am the world
I sing the song sung by millions of others
I dance the dance they have danced
I am of the love that dares not speak its name

But,

I sing its name out
Clearly, forcefully
I sing it in the face of aggression
I sing it through spit and rocks
I sing it at home and outside
I sing it in my bed

I love and am loved

I belong and am possessed